Mr. Competitive and Little Miss Possessive

When I was little, I was enthralled by the Mr. Men and Little Miss series of books. Something about those simple head-bodies and their straightforward personalities - the nice big grin of Mr. Happy, the wide open mouth of Little Miss Chatterbox, the crazy arms of Mr. Tickle... In fact, when I found a copy of Mr. Cheerful (Monsieur Joyeux) while on a visit to Paris, I couldn't resist purchasing it - even though at that time, I was years away from needing children's books... and also the book will be forever completely unreadable to me since, you know, it's in French. 

I wonder if the appeal of those books has something to do with the fact that kids' attitudes are often similarly one-dimensional. Of course my kids have displayed a variety of emotional and personality traits; however, they tend to cycle through them, focusing all their energies on just one attitude at a time.

Right now, Luke is Mr. Competitive. Everything - everything - is a race these days. At first, I encouraged this because it has worked in my favor on so many occasions: "Who can be the first to get into bed for naptime?" or "I'm going to finish my carrots before you do!" The phrase, "ready, set, go" is a true miracle worker for us; Luke's most obstinate moments are completely reformed the minute I turn my request (to get dressed, to pick up toys, to use the potty) into a competition. It's no surprise, really, that this has gotten out of hand.

Because, as we all know from personal experience, the downside to competition is that every race has a winner... and a loser. When it's me trailing slothfully behind him on the stairs, that's no big deal. But lately, Luke has been glorying in any victory over any foe, regardless of whether or not they are themselves aware of their participation in the contest. His sister, his cousins, his church friends, the neighbor, the kid at Chick-fil-a: all have been recipients of Luke's merciless gloating. I've even taken it upon myself to teach Luke the meaning of that word - "gloating" - and warn him whenever he is doing it. Which is a lot.

The other evening, we were driving home when Luke started bragging about the fact that he was beating Sarah in growing up. I tried to turn the conversation by countering him with the fact that I was beating him in growing up, but he would not be deterred from his focus: winning over his sister. So in a different tack, I conceded that although he will always beat Sarah in growing up, there will be other things in which she wins. "She will always beat you in wearing dresses, for instance," I proposed. You can imagine how that conversation went. Eventually I realized what I should've known all along - it's nearly impossible to reason with a four-year-old; sometimes shutting down the conversation entirely is the wisest and most prudent response. And maybe no more "races" to finish dinner or get to bed. At least for a while.

Sarah, of course, is generally unfazed by her brother's boasting. Practical girl that she is, she seems to be confidently aware of the fact that nothing he says really matters that much... But if he dares to TAKE SOMETHING OF HERS, then batten down the hatches, for a storm's ablowin' in... Our Little Miss Possessive does not take well to sharing her things. With anyone. And she may be small, but the look of scorn on her face as she snatches back a Polly Pocket or a stuffed animal (that we've had for ages but that she's only recently laid claim to)... it would terrify the darkest soul.

(I used to tease her at naptime by pretending to steal her blanket, but I've learned my lesson on that; she gets so worked up at the offense that it takes me twice as long to calm her down. Sarah: 1, Mommy: -14)

One day (maybe soon!) they will grow out of these stages and move on to new (and probably more confounding) obsessions. Or perhaps we never leave our childhood traits behind but rather build on to them, learning to use them for the greater good rather than for simple self-satisfaction. Maybe one day, Mr. Competitive will also graciously cheer others on to victory, and Little Miss Possessive will exhibit a heartfelt (and hard-won) sense of generosity. 

I'll keep you posted.