Perspective

Yesterday was a Very Long Day. No, there were no major tragedies or mishaps - only the slow (but monstrous) accumulation of things I haven't accomplished combined with exceedingly demanding (and therefore perfectly normal) young children.

As I was pouring yet another sippy cup of milk for the 2-year-old while the infant screamed in her bouncer, I couldn't help forming in my mind the list of things I hadn't had a chance to do:

Clean the bathrooms.
Go to the store.
Organize photos.
Finish thank you cards.
Balance the checkbook.
Sweep the floor.
Compose three or four percolating blog entries (believe it or not, one's actually about coffee... hee hee).
Watch a good movie.
Sort Luke's closet.
Have a peaceful cup of coffee.
Lose weight.
Make returns to five different stores.
Attempt bottlefeeding (in the hopes of future nights out).
Have a night out.
Water the plants.
Wash the diapers.
Finish the diaper bag sewing project (mercy Maude!).
Visit with friends.
Cook regular dinners.

But then I consoled myself with a few of the things I have had a chance to do:

Snuggle with Luke, reading books and singing together before naptime.
Adore Sarah's sweet face and occasional grins.
Take a few walks, both with and without (woo-hoo) the children.
Enjoy visits from each of my siblings this week.
Catch an all-too-quiet Luke sitting on his bedroom floor with a coonskin hat on his head and a book in his hands.
Go swimming in our pool (finally!), with Sarah chilling in her bouncer in the shade and Luke strapped into a life vest and floatie (Overkill? Maybe. Mom able to relax in her own floatie in the pool? Absolutely.).
Watch "Ugly Betty" during naptime (can't. stop. watching....).
Eat out with my husband (and children).

But even taking those blessings into consideration, I was just about Done by the time P got home last night (might have something to do with the homemade-but-not-so-tasty pizza I slaved over for dinner). He did all he could to help, and even gave me this morning off (with Sarah) so I could check off a few of those "to-do's."

But this afternoon, as I rocked a not-yet-napping-as-he-should-be Luke, singing "I Love You, Lord," I thought to myself, Is that true? Do my actions/thoughts/feelings show that I love the Lord? As if in response, I suddenly understood very clearly those passages in Galatians that I've been reading in the mornings - Paul is searing in his criticism of those who would still try to earn their salvation by way of the law. In my own way, I myself have been living by works and not by faith: I have fallen into the habit of measuring my own self-worth by my accomplishments - the cleanliness of my house, the training of my preschooler, or any item on the first list above - and not by the blood of Christ, which is the only true value! I have been expecting of myself a perfect wife/mother/human being from the sweat of my own brow, but that has been a terrible burden to carry and an impossible standard to live by. No wonder I've been feeling somewhat miserable!

The minute that I realized this, I felt the burden lift. All those things that have to be done still have to be done (for the most part). But they simply do not get to rule my life - only Christ holds that position, and His yoke is easy and His burden is light!

I know that Satan will use this particular tack against me all my life, but I pray that God will continue to remind me of the True state of things, that I might "fix [my] eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal" (2 Corinthians 4:18).