Essem Isle Eee!

Ahhh.... Baby's first smile... does anything really compare?

Weeks of endless diaper changes and feedings, late-late nights and early-early mornings, protection from sun and auto accidents and diseases and big brothers, nine-hundred-twenty-eight billion photos of an infant sleeping or doing this:

or maybe this:

and then finally - a smile! A REAL smile! A wide-awake, I-see-you-Mom Smile!!!

I remember clearly Luke's first smile because it happened about two minutes after I had finally decided to buy a ticket for Timbuktu and kiss this whole Mom-thing goodbye; I had tried it for a full two months, and I was Done. But then he smiled. Right there on the changing table. Right at me. My heart melted entirely. And I forgot about Timbuktu.

This time it seemed to happen entirely too fast... one minute, Sarah's a serious newborn, and the next minute, she's got a dimple on her right cheek and a huge, wide-mouthed grin! She talks, now, too. I guess she figures she'd better start early if she's to have any hope of being heard over her brother...

When Sarah smiles and coos, I wish my whole world would stop. I feel like nothing could be better than just gazing at her sweet face and "talking" with her forever, but I also get that nagging sense that I'll have to return to the world eventually - and so I push myself to feel every moment of that time with her. In those few moments, I telegraph to her how much I adore her, how precious she is, how I want to give her everything she needs to be happy and safe. And she often seems to overflow with her own things to communicate to me - her expressions move rapidly between subtle grins and furrowed brows and open-mouthed smiles, she studies my face and works her mouth as if to ask me deep questions about the meaning of life, or to share deep secrets about her greatest joys and fears.

In those moments, I can't keep my thoughts from future moments I'll share with my sweet girl, talking about school, friends, books, boys, God, about life's adventures and about life's tragedies. I always picture us having those conversations in the same places where my mom and I shared special talks...

I'm listening to Susan Beth Pfeffer's The World We Live In. It's the third of an excellent YA trilogy about human survival after an asteroid hits the moon and causes worldwide disaster. In it, the narrator comes to the realization that the adults around her will sacrifice anything for her baby brother because they see in him their future - everyone's future. And in a world of such despair and loss, the youngest generation is the only hope for those who have survived.

But as I look at my own children, I know that we don't need a post-apocalyptic world in order to treasure these little ones and see such promise in their fragile little lives. Luke's and Sarah's smiles are liquid happiness, filling my chest with warmth and love and hope and gladness... I am changed by them, every time. And their smiles make me want to be a better mom, a better person, so that they will never have any reason to keep from smiling. Sheesh - they make me downright GOOEY! And I love it. I love them. What an immeasurable gift these kiddos are!

Sarah started smiling on Tuesday evening, July 5, and I tried all week long to capture it on film - I wasn't successful until Sunday, after she'd been smiling a full five days! I thought you might enjoy all the failed attempts just as much as the eventual success... :)

Wednesday...

Thursday...

 Friday...

Saturday...

Sunday!!