The Ants Have Laid Siege To My Sanity
Tiny but relentless. Terrifying to my three-year-old. Infuriating to me. I've discovered that Mrs. Meyer's Honeysuckle-scented Multi-Purpose Spray kills them on contact (slightly disconcerting, for a "granola" brand...), but still they continue to reroute my morning plans. Every. Single. Day.
It's as if a lifetime of wisdom from all other sources, human and Divine, were not enough to convince me that I am not actually in control... but "Go to the ant, you Sluggard!"... and find that today you will not be working on that photo project or this meal plan or even that shopping errand; you will be cleaning and reorganizing your kitchen cabinets, one ant-infested morning at a time.
I am holding out for a respite in this siege on my sanity; I've even gone so far as to call the pest control company (a chore I've been avoiding for months), and the desperation in my voice must have been clear because they will be here at noon. They will likely tell me that they really can't do much about ants, but I'll feel better knowing that Something Insectal Will Die Today. Perhaps I'm not holding on to my sanity as well as I thought....
Let's blame the ants, or exhaustion, for my shocking slip into despair last night as I lay in my own bed (blissfully unaware of the ant army storming the dog food bowl in the kitchen). Similar to that strange unearthly feeling of overwhelm that I get when I look at the stars and think about the sheer size of things, I found myself zooming out on my life, astonished to have another school year already underway, astonished to have ripped through summertime, astonished to be speeding so much more quickly through this life... astonished, even, that this tritest of cliches is so ruthlessly true: time flies.
My despair did not last long before I plunged into sleep (albeit one riddled with strange dreams of espionage and supervillians), but I know it will lurk in the back of my mind over the next several days, as I wear myself (and my family) out with my efforts to smooth this transition from a carefree, irresponsible summer into an activity-full and expectation-high school year. Is it possible that we are here already? The day that I longed for with every ounce of my being on many a long summer afternoon in July - and now that it's here, I'm more than a little sad? What is happening?
Another weird thing: I have no photos of this summer. With the exception of our Yellowstone vacation and a few family get-togethers, I have almost nothing! It's as if this summer didn't exist. Perhaps that's why I feel so much loss! There Was No Summer!
But y'all, that part of me that almost Lost It Completely upon finding two pairs of small sandals on the floor of my room when I retreated there for bedtime several days ago (nothing is sacred from the mess that These People cause!) - that part that wants JUST A FEW MINUTES to myself - the part that has heard the phrase, "I'm hungry," enough times to make it sound obscene - the part that spent absolutely every single evening this summer in that kind of tired desperation that makes you think that screaming at children from the couch is an appropriate bedtime routine... Well, that part knows that we had summer, and plenty of it. Y'all, my kids told me we "went to the pool too much." In mid-July.
Well. I don't know about you, but now that I've gotten all of that off my chest, the feeling of despair about school starting is good and on the run! (Thanks, I obviously needed this!) (Who needs counseling when you have a blog??)
But one last thing before I go back to wiping down cabinets and mounting another Cleaning Spray Offensive: it's actually been a great summer. We did swim, and enjoyably. We had a marvelous vacation, with thousands of photos to prove it. We went to the library almost every time Luke asked, which is a LOT of times. We made messes and then made ourselves clean up. We stayed home a lot, and stayed inside a lot, thanks to the 100ยบ+ temps that began in May, but we didn't actually mind too much. We played board games and read books and built things with Legos. The dress-up clothes were never completely put away because they were so often in use. We all worked together to maintain this momma's sanity with a few basic chores and strict adherence to afternoon rest time. We watched television without thinking about the AAP and its ridiculous rules. The kids almost never bathed, and they definitely did not ever go to sleep before 10 pm, but we still managed to give ourselves time to be refreshed and renewed - spiritually, if not physically.
We did not go to Six Flags (shh - I don't think they've realized that yet), and we let our museum and zoo memberships lapse. But we spent time with friends and with cousins and with grandparents, and we welcomed our church family into our home on a regular basis. We did VBS and Latin Camp and regular karate lessons, but otherwise we let go of the need to Be Anywhere, and that was truly glorious. We took walks on the abandoned golf course and played basketball in the driveway, and we found that sometimes just being home is all we ever needed.
And that thing I said about no pictures isn't technically true. So just to prove that we did have an actual summer, with actual contentedness laced throughout, I present the following 19 photos. Thanks for the memories, Summer That Almost Wasn't But Really Was And For That Reason Was Perfect!
It's as if a lifetime of wisdom from all other sources, human and Divine, were not enough to convince me that I am not actually in control... but "Go to the ant, you Sluggard!"... and find that today you will not be working on that photo project or this meal plan or even that shopping errand; you will be cleaning and reorganizing your kitchen cabinets, one ant-infested morning at a time.
I am holding out for a respite in this siege on my sanity; I've even gone so far as to call the pest control company (a chore I've been avoiding for months), and the desperation in my voice must have been clear because they will be here at noon. They will likely tell me that they really can't do much about ants, but I'll feel better knowing that Something Insectal Will Die Today. Perhaps I'm not holding on to my sanity as well as I thought....
Let's blame the ants, or exhaustion, for my shocking slip into despair last night as I lay in my own bed (blissfully unaware of the ant army storming the dog food bowl in the kitchen). Similar to that strange unearthly feeling of overwhelm that I get when I look at the stars and think about the sheer size of things, I found myself zooming out on my life, astonished to have another school year already underway, astonished to have ripped through summertime, astonished to be speeding so much more quickly through this life... astonished, even, that this tritest of cliches is so ruthlessly true: time flies.
My despair did not last long before I plunged into sleep (albeit one riddled with strange dreams of espionage and supervillians), but I know it will lurk in the back of my mind over the next several days, as I wear myself (and my family) out with my efforts to smooth this transition from a carefree, irresponsible summer into an activity-full and expectation-high school year. Is it possible that we are here already? The day that I longed for with every ounce of my being on many a long summer afternoon in July - and now that it's here, I'm more than a little sad? What is happening?
Another weird thing: I have no photos of this summer. With the exception of our Yellowstone vacation and a few family get-togethers, I have almost nothing! It's as if this summer didn't exist. Perhaps that's why I feel so much loss! There Was No Summer!
But y'all, that part of me that almost Lost It Completely upon finding two pairs of small sandals on the floor of my room when I retreated there for bedtime several days ago (nothing is sacred from the mess that These People cause!) - that part that wants JUST A FEW MINUTES to myself - the part that has heard the phrase, "I'm hungry," enough times to make it sound obscene - the part that spent absolutely every single evening this summer in that kind of tired desperation that makes you think that screaming at children from the couch is an appropriate bedtime routine... Well, that part knows that we had summer, and plenty of it. Y'all, my kids told me we "went to the pool too much." In mid-July.
Well. I don't know about you, but now that I've gotten all of that off my chest, the feeling of despair about school starting is good and on the run! (Thanks, I obviously needed this!) (Who needs counseling when you have a blog??)
But one last thing before I go back to wiping down cabinets and mounting another Cleaning Spray Offensive: it's actually been a great summer. We did swim, and enjoyably. We had a marvelous vacation, with thousands of photos to prove it. We went to the library almost every time Luke asked, which is a LOT of times. We made messes and then made ourselves clean up. We stayed home a lot, and stayed inside a lot, thanks to the 100ยบ+ temps that began in May, but we didn't actually mind too much. We played board games and read books and built things with Legos. The dress-up clothes were never completely put away because they were so often in use. We all worked together to maintain this momma's sanity with a few basic chores and strict adherence to afternoon rest time. We watched television without thinking about the AAP and its ridiculous rules. The kids almost never bathed, and they definitely did not ever go to sleep before 10 pm, but we still managed to give ourselves time to be refreshed and renewed - spiritually, if not physically.
We did not go to Six Flags (shh - I don't think they've realized that yet), and we let our museum and zoo memberships lapse. But we spent time with friends and with cousins and with grandparents, and we welcomed our church family into our home on a regular basis. We did VBS and Latin Camp and regular karate lessons, but otherwise we let go of the need to Be Anywhere, and that was truly glorious. We took walks on the abandoned golf course and played basketball in the driveway, and we found that sometimes just being home is all we ever needed.
And that thing I said about no pictures isn't technically true. So just to prove that we did have an actual summer, with actual contentedness laced throughout, I present the following 19 photos. Thanks for the memories, Summer That Almost Wasn't But Really Was And For That Reason Was Perfect!
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