Memory Triggers
I think that it's a well-known fact that scents have a great power to trigger memory. We can all recall the specific smells of our grandparents' house and of the elementary school we attended. I still enjoy remembering the smell of the truly delectable kolaches my mom used to buy when I was a little kid in Austin.
And of course, there's the hospital/nursing home smell. Death Cab for Cutie describes the ER waiting room as "reek[ing] of piss and 409" (please excuse the language). I'd add in the smell of processed foods, and I think that captures the scent of the whole hospital. I don't know anyone who associates that smell with good things. So I may be the first.
My grandfather, PopPop, has spent the last couple of weeks in the continuous care facility in our local hospital, and P and I have been trying to visit him as much as we can so that he'll have company when my Memaw can't make the trip. At first I was really nervous about making the visits; it's just so hard to know what to say or how to act in that situation. I remember being grateful in the past to be accompanied by people who might set that example - I'll never forget watching how well my Aunt Marquita comforted, fed, and "visited" with my great-aunt Loquita mere weeks before her death. Or having all of P's family around in that cramped hospital waiting room and intensive care floor as we did what we could to love P's Grandad in his final days on earth. Come to think of it, my visits to such facilities have been few, and all associated with impending death. No wonder I was nervous.
But this has become a totally different thing. As I got more used to the "routine," I didn't feel as apprehensive about going, and after the first few visits, I began to leave the hospital often feeling encouraged and uplifted. These weeks have blessed me with one-on-one time with my grandfather, time to tell him about what's happening in my life, time to hear his take on my adventures and his own stories on the subject. When I talked about how much I'd missed seeing my nephew - how I was afraid Aiden would be crawling before I saw him again - PopPop told me stories of my Uncle Lee's toddler years, how he was fearless and how he didn't have time to waste crawling and so spent those months supporting himself by the windowsills so that he could "walk" around the house. According to PopPop, Uncle Lee also liked to chew things - including electrical cords; one day he chewed all the way through a cord and ended up with a chunk of lip burned off! But not to worry, PopPop says; when a few years back PopPop asked Lee's wife Lynn about it, she said she'd never noticed anything wrong with his lips!
My favorite thing about visiting PopPop is seeing his whole-face grins. He's in a lot of pain most of the time, has a really hard time hearing anything, and is not always completely awake or aware - but when he's tickled, he doesn't do a thing to hide it. His laugh lines span from the corners of his mouth to the corners of his eyes, and his chuckle, though faint, still rumbles with his glee. Most of the time, PopPop laughs because of something mischievous he's said or done, like joking with the nurses or telling stories on his youngest son. But sometimes he laughs because of something humorous I've found to say, and I've got to tell you, that's quite a reward! PopPop's a hard crowd to play to, but boy is it worth it, every time.
We're all praying that he'll be in good enough shape tomorrow to be transferred to a facility in Rusk, putting him closer to Memaw so that she can be with him more often with much less effort. But selfishly, I can't help but feel a little disappointed. I'll miss getting to visit him on my way home from school or during a break at work. I'll visit him in Rusk as often as I can, but I'm afraid that it won't be the same. Don't get me wrong - I do want him to be closer to Memaw, with all my heart! But I have so enjoyed our time together these last few weeks.
And you know, that hospital just doesn't smell so bad to me anymore.
And of course, there's the hospital/nursing home smell. Death Cab for Cutie describes the ER waiting room as "reek[ing] of piss and 409" (please excuse the language). I'd add in the smell of processed foods, and I think that captures the scent of the whole hospital. I don't know anyone who associates that smell with good things. So I may be the first.
My grandfather, PopPop, has spent the last couple of weeks in the continuous care facility in our local hospital, and P and I have been trying to visit him as much as we can so that he'll have company when my Memaw can't make the trip. At first I was really nervous about making the visits; it's just so hard to know what to say or how to act in that situation. I remember being grateful in the past to be accompanied by people who might set that example - I'll never forget watching how well my Aunt Marquita comforted, fed, and "visited" with my great-aunt Loquita mere weeks before her death. Or having all of P's family around in that cramped hospital waiting room and intensive care floor as we did what we could to love P's Grandad in his final days on earth. Come to think of it, my visits to such facilities have been few, and all associated with impending death. No wonder I was nervous.
But this has become a totally different thing. As I got more used to the "routine," I didn't feel as apprehensive about going, and after the first few visits, I began to leave the hospital often feeling encouraged and uplifted. These weeks have blessed me with one-on-one time with my grandfather, time to tell him about what's happening in my life, time to hear his take on my adventures and his own stories on the subject. When I talked about how much I'd missed seeing my nephew - how I was afraid Aiden would be crawling before I saw him again - PopPop told me stories of my Uncle Lee's toddler years, how he was fearless and how he didn't have time to waste crawling and so spent those months supporting himself by the windowsills so that he could "walk" around the house. According to PopPop, Uncle Lee also liked to chew things - including electrical cords; one day he chewed all the way through a cord and ended up with a chunk of lip burned off! But not to worry, PopPop says; when a few years back PopPop asked Lee's wife Lynn about it, she said she'd never noticed anything wrong with his lips!
My favorite thing about visiting PopPop is seeing his whole-face grins. He's in a lot of pain most of the time, has a really hard time hearing anything, and is not always completely awake or aware - but when he's tickled, he doesn't do a thing to hide it. His laugh lines span from the corners of his mouth to the corners of his eyes, and his chuckle, though faint, still rumbles with his glee. Most of the time, PopPop laughs because of something mischievous he's said or done, like joking with the nurses or telling stories on his youngest son. But sometimes he laughs because of something humorous I've found to say, and I've got to tell you, that's quite a reward! PopPop's a hard crowd to play to, but boy is it worth it, every time.
We're all praying that he'll be in good enough shape tomorrow to be transferred to a facility in Rusk, putting him closer to Memaw so that she can be with him more often with much less effort. But selfishly, I can't help but feel a little disappointed. I'll miss getting to visit him on my way home from school or during a break at work. I'll visit him in Rusk as often as I can, but I'm afraid that it won't be the same. Don't get me wrong - I do want him to be closer to Memaw, with all my heart! But I have so enjoyed our time together these last few weeks.
And you know, that hospital just doesn't smell so bad to me anymore.
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