English As A Less Important Language
On the drive home from a super healthy lunch at In-and-Out Burger, Luke began to question me about whether or not all trucks have eyelashes.
Ah, those moments in parenting when you honestly don't know what to say.
"No, Luke, I'm pretty sure I've never seen any trucks with eyelashes." (Nailed it.)
"Yes," he insists, "some trucks have eyelashes. See this truck here?" He holds up a Transformer truck where I won't be able to see it because I'm driving. "I call this part the eyelashes." From what I can tell through my rearview mirror view, he's pointing to the chrome part that sticks out from the roof over the front windshield. I have no clue what that part is called, but I'm pretty sure it isn't "eyelashes."
And yet we go on for about five more minutes of my insisting that it must be a visor or something while he maintains that he will continue to call it the eyelashes "because that's just what I call it." And since I never do win those battles with him, I attempt to change the direction of the conversation as we drive onto the highway by suggesting he look at the trucks we pass and see if any of them have "eyelashes." By the time we've identified 2 trucks without and 3 trucks with eyelashes, I've decided I might just keep calling them that myself. It's pretty dang funny.
Why is it, do you think, that children who obviously know zero words of their own when they come into the world, and who learn 99.9% of their vocabulary from their very own parents, still refuse to believe those self-same parents when they are corrected on any minor vocabulary issue? No amount of reason or coaching will change their mind when it comes to saying things the way they have decided to say them. Believe me, I've tried. And tried. And tried. (Or maybe it's just my kids?)
After considering this issue and realizing the futility of training my children to speak the same language that the rest of the world uses, I felt that it might be helpful to compile a brief glossary of terms. You might want to bookmark this page if you come in frequent contact with my brood.
"Minja": a skilled and stealthy warrior.
"Last night" (Sarah), "Lasterday" (Luke): Any time in the past.
"Gwand": a stick that either causes magical things to happen or indicates that the bearer is a princess.
"Cindabrella": a fairy tale figure highly monetized by Disney.
"My best...": a way of indicating a strong preference, as in "this is my best part of the movie."
"I'm having a hard time [doing something]": an expression indicating the speaker's polite but firm refusal to do what he's been told.
"Mom, you kind of hurt my feelings when...": an expression indicating that the speaker does not like punishment and wishes to argue its uselessness in his life.
"Rest time": an hour in which Mom passes out from exhaustion in her room while the older kids restrict their banshee behavior to their room.
"Elsa": Sarah's preferred name.
"Andrew Bandru": the ONLY Luke-approved nickname for Andrew. Don't even try calling him anything else; stinker, munchkin, cutie pie = all unacceptable.
"Treat": ice cream or candy. Not a trip to the park. Not a toy. Not a movie. Must be sugary food.
"Screen time": the born right of all children, and a right worth fighting for, preferably using the most powerful weapon in a young child's repertoire: Asking Incessantly.
"Christmas Claus": the jolly old elf who, every December, becomes a superstar and the topic of most conversations while also freaking out most young children every time he appears in person.
"Activity Scene": pictures or statues depicting the birth of Christ.
"Chick-fil-a": any restaurant serving quick meals with toys.
"Jason's Jelly": that one place that the kids love because of the mini muffins.
"Kids' Movies": a show of any length or nature that is animated. As opposed to "Grown-up Movies," in which "real people" are visible.
"Net Flakes": a streaming service that provides unlimited access to "kids' movies."
And just think, there's another whole person coming up to add to this vocabulary! So far, he only says "Sah-ah" and "Hiya," but it won't be long before he adds his unique perspective on the English language. Or maybe Andrew will be our articulately perfect child? Only time will tell...
Ah, those moments in parenting when you honestly don't know what to say.
"No, Luke, I'm pretty sure I've never seen any trucks with eyelashes." (Nailed it.)
"Yes," he insists, "some trucks have eyelashes. See this truck here?" He holds up a Transformer truck where I won't be able to see it because I'm driving. "I call this part the eyelashes." From what I can tell through my rearview mirror view, he's pointing to the chrome part that sticks out from the roof over the front windshield. I have no clue what that part is called, but I'm pretty sure it isn't "eyelashes."
And yet we go on for about five more minutes of my insisting that it must be a visor or something while he maintains that he will continue to call it the eyelashes "because that's just what I call it." And since I never do win those battles with him, I attempt to change the direction of the conversation as we drive onto the highway by suggesting he look at the trucks we pass and see if any of them have "eyelashes." By the time we've identified 2 trucks without and 3 trucks with eyelashes, I've decided I might just keep calling them that myself. It's pretty dang funny.
Why is it, do you think, that children who obviously know zero words of their own when they come into the world, and who learn 99.9% of their vocabulary from their very own parents, still refuse to believe those self-same parents when they are corrected on any minor vocabulary issue? No amount of reason or coaching will change their mind when it comes to saying things the way they have decided to say them. Believe me, I've tried. And tried. And tried. (Or maybe it's just my kids?)
After considering this issue and realizing the futility of training my children to speak the same language that the rest of the world uses, I felt that it might be helpful to compile a brief glossary of terms. You might want to bookmark this page if you come in frequent contact with my brood.
"Minja": a skilled and stealthy warrior.
"Last night" (Sarah), "Lasterday" (Luke): Any time in the past.
"Gwand": a stick that either causes magical things to happen or indicates that the bearer is a princess.
"Cindabrella": a fairy tale figure highly monetized by Disney.
"My best...": a way of indicating a strong preference, as in "this is my best part of the movie."
"I'm having a hard time [doing something]": an expression indicating the speaker's polite but firm refusal to do what he's been told.
"Mom, you kind of hurt my feelings when...": an expression indicating that the speaker does not like punishment and wishes to argue its uselessness in his life.
"Rest time": an hour in which Mom passes out from exhaustion in her room while the older kids restrict their banshee behavior to their room.
"Elsa": Sarah's preferred name.
"Andrew Bandru": the ONLY Luke-approved nickname for Andrew. Don't even try calling him anything else; stinker, munchkin, cutie pie = all unacceptable.
"Treat": ice cream or candy. Not a trip to the park. Not a toy. Not a movie. Must be sugary food.
"Screen time": the born right of all children, and a right worth fighting for, preferably using the most powerful weapon in a young child's repertoire: Asking Incessantly.
"Christmas Claus": the jolly old elf who, every December, becomes a superstar and the topic of most conversations while also freaking out most young children every time he appears in person.
"Activity Scene": pictures or statues depicting the birth of Christ.
"Chick-fil-a": any restaurant serving quick meals with toys.
"Jason's Jelly": that one place that the kids love because of the mini muffins.
"Kids' Movies": a show of any length or nature that is animated. As opposed to "Grown-up Movies," in which "real people" are visible.
"Net Flakes": a streaming service that provides unlimited access to "kids' movies."
And just think, there's another whole person coming up to add to this vocabulary! So far, he only says "Sah-ah" and "Hiya," but it won't be long before he adds his unique perspective on the English language. Or maybe Andrew will be our articulately perfect child? Only time will tell...
Love this post! Campbell and Mia basically speak a different dialect of the same language. Screen time, treat and rest time are used exactly the same way at my house. ��
ReplyDeleteWe also have "next when" for the next occurrence of an activity, "insteresting" for things that are interesting, and "jamamas" for pajamas. Also, song lyrics are somewhat curious around here, and not to be corrected...
I love your blog, friend!