Mattie Lee Stem Box, May 23, 1919 - September 3, 2015

Dear Luke, Sarah, and Andrew,

My grandmother Memaw died this last Thursday morning. We told you about it at suppertime, and you listened quietly and carefully, but death is tricky to explain, and you are blessed to have very little concept of it at this point in your lives. You are worried now about where all of the toys from her apartment will go, but I think that one day you might be curious to know a little more about this incredible woman whose blood runs in your own veins. I wanted to share a few of my memories so that you will know what she has meant to me. I hope that these memories will join with the good ones you have: how she loved seeing you and hearing about what you'd been up to, how she always drank imaginary tea with you from the plastic Cinderella tea set, and how she loved to watch you vroom around with toy cars, rearrange her tin boxes on the windowsill, or play pretend with her plush cat.


That cat is a good starting place, because Memaw and PopPop always had beloved pets, and when I was a little girl, they had a calico cat named Ethyl - she looked just like the toy cat that you played with in her apartment. At feeding time, PopPop would call out in a funny high voice, "Heeeere, Ethyl! " and she'd eventually appear from some adventure, hungry and in need of a good petting. I don't remember much more about her - only that Memaw and PopPop loved that cat, and I loved hearing their voices calling for her. When Ethyl died, they never had another cat of their own, although I think they might've fed a number of neighborhood strays. They were getting too old to take care of real pets, so instead someone brought them an incredibly realistic stuffed cat. This one wasn't calico like Ethyl  but it startled us visitors on more than one occasion because it was so uncannily lifelike! Memaw liked having it around when she still lived in her house in Rusk, even after PopPop died. I don't believe that cat came with her when she moved to her apartment in North Richland Hills, so I was just as happy as you were to find that someone had given her a new stuffed cat to keep near and remind her of the friendship she'd enjoyed with Ethyl all those years.

Your memories of Memaw probably only come from her apartment at Holiday Lane Estates/Brookdale, even though you also visited her many times at her Meadow Lakes apartment - and she was still living in Rusk when Luke was a baby. I know that when I was a baby, they lived in Fort Worth, but my first memories of Memaw and PopPop are from their house and store in Romance, Arkansas. I have so many good memories of that place that I sometimes walk through the house in my mind, trying to remember every room and every interesting detail. When Luke was still a toddler, we traveled to a family wedding in Arkansas and stopped at Memaw and PopPop's old house on the way home; it looked so tiny! I could hardly believe it was the same place! I was glad to see it again in real life, but I think I prefer the version I have in my memories.

That place in Romance was huge. It was right off the highway, and the store was a portable building set close to the road. The driveway went uphill past the store and split to make a long circle, running parallel to the highway; the house sat on the opposite end of that circle from the store, and there were several barns and sheds along the side of the circle that wasn't next to the road. PopPop always had those buildings filled with stuff, and even inside the circle drive, where there was a little grass and several trees and tons of dirt and sand to play in, he had left all kinds of wonders for kids to explore - bits of old farm equipment and such. My favorite thing to play with out there was an old balance that still had a few weights. You could find an old rusty something in the yard and then use the balance to see how much it weighed!

Another exciting thing about Memaw's yard was the storm shelter. It was built into the hill just below the house, and it was filled with old cans and jars, dusty and aged and probably years beyond use. We never went in without a grown-up, of course, but it was an exciting thing to be around nonetheless.

I also remember making mud pies in the dirt just below Memaw's kitchen window. I think that maybe Gram was teaching me how to do it, because I remember never having done that kind of thing before and so it seemed extra special.

We probably spent a lot of time out there in the yard because we were not allowed to go into the store without our mother or when there were customers. The store was stuffed with antiques of all sizes, and everything breakable (or so it seemed). Mom would lead us in once during each of our stays, and I'd gaze in wonder through the glass cabinets at the beautiful costume jewelry, and we'd tiptoe carefully around the big armoires and dressers; with every step, those great pieces would quiver and the glass panes would tinkle as if to say, "One more step and CRASH!" With all its wonders, the store was truly too delicate for play, so it wasn't too bad to be herded out. On days when the store open, we far preferred to play in the yard and be on the lookout for customers so that we could run to the house and let Memaw know. They had a big rubber cord that stretched across the driveway near the highway, and when a car ran over it, a bell rang out nice and clear so that Memaw and PopPop would know that a customer had arrived. While we were visiting, it only made sense that we should help make sure that they had heard that bell each time it rang!

The inside of Memaw and PopPop's Romance house was just as fascinating as the outside. They had as many antiques in the house as in the store, and each one was worthy of close examination. The great roll-top desk in the front room, the souvenir magnets on the fridge in the kitchen, the rag rugs layered across all the floors - they all made Memaw and PopPop's house stand out in my memory. They had shag carpet on the narrow stairs that led to two upstairs bedrooms, and I distinctly recall the sharp metal A/C vent lying in wait on a middle stair; I learned to skip that step whenever possible because it was painful on bare feet scampering up the steps! Upstairs, one of the bedrooms had several antique toy trucks and soldiers, but we never got to sleep in that room. Instead, we always stayed in the room with the painting of an angel watching over two children on a bridge, which was intended to be a metaphor of comfort but instead was the source of many a scary bedtime for me...

Downstairs, PopPop always had a TV on in the front living room as well as in the area near the kitchen: news and weather. I am still mystified by his need to have the news and weather on all the time - and that habit continued as long as he lived. It wasn't until PopPop was too old to read or move around much that I can even remember him watching what was on the TV; nevertheless, we all knew the unspoken rule: "Touch not the TV set." When my brothers were older and my grandparents lived in Rusk, they got to be pretty crafty at convincing PopPop to switch to the Longhorns or Cowboys football games during our visits, but as far as I know, changing the channels didn't go much further than that!

Like the three of you, my youngest memories of my grandparents had a lot to do with the fun things I played with while we visited them. However, I also remember how PopPop would let us follow him around as he whistled and worked, and how they once brought me with them to an antiques auction, and while we were there, PopPop bought me a cold soda and a candy bar! I remember they both loved taking us to Mountain View, where we would dip candles and watch a blacksmith or weaver at work, and where Memaw might just join in the jigging when the folk band started up its merry tunes!

Not long after my own family moved to Nacogdoches, Memaw and PopPop bought a house in Rusk, which was less than an hour's drive from our house. It was a big old house that was perfect for a couple with a lifetime's worth of antique furniture and keepsakes, and whatever they couldn't fit into the house, they set up in a booth at one of the little antique stores downtown, just a few blocks away. Their yard was much smaller than that one in Arkansas, but they still managed to keep a vegetable garden, and PopPop had three different barns set up along the back for all his bits and pieces. We spent more time indoors at this house, listening to the grown-ups visit or enjoying a meal together. Memaw always had two or three bookshelves set up with nothing but framed family photographs on them, as well as snapshots that she displayed under the glass topping her desk, and I felt it my duty to check each time to see if anything new had appeared, and whether or not I approved of the photographs she had of myself and my siblings. She did a good job of putting new pictures up, and it was fun to look at them each time.

When we did venture outside, it might be to explore the "bamboo forest" in the backyard or play under the two great magnolia trees out front - or perhaps to walk a few blocks down to the "Longest Footbridge" or to the stores on the square. We never stayed overnight, of course, since we lived so close, and it's funny now to think that I never had that experience in a house that was still so familiar and homelike to me!

I don't remember how often we visited Memaw and PopPop in Rusk; I think there were times when we went up there monthly and other times when we made the trip less often. We tried to go any time that other family members were in town, and so we were able to get a lot of extra family visits with aunts and uncles and cousins as a result. We had big family Christmases there for a few years early on, but then when the extended family got too big to keep meeting together, my family started making the habit of driving over to spend Christmas Day with Memaw and PopPop; that was quite a sacrifice some years, when the Christmas bounty was especially good and not very portable! However, there was always a treat of chocolate candy waiting for us at the end of each visit, so it was difficult to do too much complaining. (This is something that I know Luke and Sarah can identify with, since they, too, enjoyed those chocolate candies after many of our visits to see Memaw.)

Memaw and PopPop were very active in their church at Rusk, and we worshipped with them several times and occasionally participated in activities with their youth group. PopPop was an elder and took his job very seriously, and Memaw was especially good at sending cards and visiting shut-ins. Once during our visit, Memaw took us across the street to visit an elderly lady whom she visited often, and we were amazed to find that this lady had the largest doll collection you could imagine: every room was lined with dolls of all shapes, sizes, and kinds! We crept through the house, dumbstruck at the sight... slightly amazed and also slightly horrified (Child's Play was a hit movie during our childhood, after all). But if I'm honest, what really made an impression on me was my grandmother, who went out of her way on a regular basis to care for people who were all alone in the world. Sometimes they were even younger than she was, but for whatever reason, life had been harder on them, and she saw it and did what she could to help. She became well-known for her card-writing, and I remember that as Memaw got older, my mom made sure to keep Memaw's card and stamp supplies in stock because that act of service was such an important part of her days, especially when she could do little else. It was very hard when she reached that point, much later on, when she no longer had the strength or fortitude of mind to write those cards.

I don't think that I really got to know Memaw and PopPop on a more personal level until I was an adult myself. I remember in high school trying to get PopPop to tell me stories - and receiving quite the education about buying new cars (circa 1960) or identifying tree varieties (none of which I now remember). But most of what I knew about their lives and personalities came from my mom's stories. Although I intuitively knew a lot about their character and personality from being around them growing up, it wasn't until much later that I really felt I knew my sweet, righteous, merciful, brilliant, creative, hard-working grandparents.

A lot of that happened just after your dad and I were married, when PopPop began to get sick. We had moved from Austin to Tyler, which is only about an hour away from Rusk, and I was only working part-time and taking classes for my master's degree. At one point, PopPop had to be in the hospital in Tyler for several weeks, and Memaw was having trouble making the trip to visit him as often as she wanted, so I volunteered to go sit with him when I could so that she could stay home some days. I remember being quite nervous about this; I'd never visited people in hospitals, and I wasn't sure what to do. To make it even more difficult, PopPop was not in very good shape, and so he was often asleep or simply not communicative during my visits. I helped feed him a few of the times, and I tried to tell him all about what was happening in my life, but then I would run out of things to say and sit there awkwardly. I finally decided that I ought to bring in my Bible and spend time reading him Psalms; he was always so strong in his faith, and I figured that if he could still hear or understand anything, Scripture would certainly be worth hearing. I have no idea whether or not he did hear any of it, but I found it to be a great comfort myself, and I like to think that he took courage from those Living Words, even if he was too weak to show it.

Before long, PopPop was moved to a nursing home in Rusk, and in January, he passed away. I was in the room with my mom, Memaw, and some of my aunts when he passed, and it was a time I will never forget. We all knew he was in terrible shape and that he had lived a wonderful life and would only gain by meeting his Creator, but it was still so hard for him to go. I still cry a little when I think about it.

Over the next several months, Memaw grieved. Not like one who is without hope - but like one who had lost the companionship of her best friend. My mom was still teaching full-time, but she went to visit Memaw every Saturday, and I began driving down on Tuesdays to keep her company for a few hours as well. Those times are so very precious to me! I honestly don't remember a lot of what we talked about; I know I shared some about my life, and Memaw always updated me about any family members she'd heard from. Sometimes I took her to get her hair done, and a few times I accompanied her to a doctor's appointment. But mostly, we just sat in her living room, her in her recliner and me on the red couch, and we visited.

When your dad and I moved to Fort Worth a few months later, I was surprised by how much I really did miss my time with Memaw. We still went to see her any time we were in East Texas to visit Gram and Paps, but it wasn't the same. A few years later, not long after Luke was born, my mom and her siblings helped Memaw move to an apartment in North Richland Hills near Uncle Mickey's house. It was difficult for her to leave her house, but it would be much better for her to be in a smaller place and closer to family members who might check on her daily instead of once or twice a week. My mom and aunts worked very hard to divide and sell all those wonderful things that had filled her house in Rusk, but they kept many items for her apartment so that it would still feel like "home"; and many other items are now in the homes of Memaw's children and grandchildren.

My other grandmother, EO, was already living with Dia in Hurst, and I was in the habit of bringing Luke over for regular visits with them, so I knew that we would try to visit Memaw as much as possible as well. I wanted Luke to have time with them, even though he was still too small to really understand who they were. When Sarah was born, I continued to make as many visits as I could manage, and those visits were a great blessing to all of us.

During our time together, I began to ask Memaw to retell stories from her childhood, and if she was in the mood, she really had some great ones to tell. Also, because Memaw and I both struggle with worry, she became a great source of comfort to me during a time when I was fighting severe anxiety; I knew that she had been there, too. I regret that I never made time to visit her when you kids were in school so that we could talk long and deep. Somehow there just didn't seem to be time. And before I knew it, there wasn't even much time to visit when you were with me.

By the time Andrew came around, it became too hard to make those trips on a regular basis. Both EO and Memaw had moved into assisted living facilities, and it was a lot of work to get three small children in and out of those places; the rooms were small, and I often spent more time taking care of you kids than getting to visit with my grandmothers, so I basically stopped going on my own. Occasionally, we would join Gram when she was visiting, or we would go on a weekend when Daddy could come, too.

But in the early spring of this last year, we were trying to decide how to spend our Sunday evenings; in the previous years, we'd always participated in the church's small group program. However, this year, the families that had been meeting with us all decided to try different groups, and we couldn't quite find a group that seemed right for our family any more. As we drove home from Sunday morning worship on the day that these small groups were supposed to begin, we were puzzling over our situation when I felt the Spirit's voice. I was remembering the year we had committed with our small group to visit and encourage the residents in a local nursing home - and how much that had meant to us (and hopefully to the residents). Why not commit to that again? Except this time, it would just be our family - and the residents we would visit would be my grandmothers and a few church shut-ins. It had been too long since we'd made those regular trips to see Memaw and EO, and the first weeks were challenging for all of us. We had to work with you guys to remind you how to behave among the elderly, how to be loving even when you're a little scared, and how to be patient with someone who cannot hear or remember very well. You were so great about that. Although it was hard for you at first, you did your best to be obedient and respectful, and it made me so very proud. It helped that EO and Memaw both had their own special toy baskets that you loved to dive into - but I hope that you sensed how much those wonderful ladies loved having you there. They really did.

On our last visit to see Memaw, she just watched you play, admiring Andrew's ability to stand up and play cars like a big boy, listening to your tin can band (until we made you stop), drinking that imaginary tea, and hearing your reports about summer and the school year ahead. And then she turned to me and said, "I just can't wait to get to Heaven so I can tell PopPop all about these wonderful children of yours!" Then she carefully corrected herself, saying, "Well, I don't know how that all works - maybe he already knows and has been watching them all along?"

Like Memaw, I don't know how all of that works, but I love to imagine her now, swinging on a heavenly porch swing next to PopPop, telling him story after story of his marvelous grandkids and great-grandkids. They have reached their eternal reward. Although their loved ones still living will grieve them dearly, and I may never be able to stop the tears from forming when I think of either of them, we take great comfort in the hope we have that we will be with them again one day. What a day that will be!

For the time being, I pray that you will grow to take after your great-grandparents in many ways: that you will show mercy to others on a daily basis, that you will love life and the adventures you find yourself in, and that you will treasure your family and do all you can to raise them to know Jesus.

Love,
Mom