Overwhelmed
Here's the truth.
I have been too overwhelmed with everything, huffing and puffing behind the pack as I tried desperately to keep up this life of mine. The holidays were almost too much, and when I finally (gleefully) taped up the last box of Christmas decorations and piled them by the door so P could take them away to the attic, I just didn't have an ounce of anything left.
We had a really blessed holiday season, but can I just say this? Christmas is hard for moms! I'm not saying that everyone else has it easy or anything, but that season is just a beating for me. Maybe I just haven't found the magic method that'll erase the stress.... or maybe I won't feel quite so exhausted when I'm not trying to balance three different family Christmases, uphold my kids' belief in Santa Claus, keep Jesus as the Reason, and nurse an infant every 2-3 hours of the day!
Still, I stand by my declaration that January is the Best Month. And here it is, half over...
The good news is that between my writing the first two paragraphs of this post and now (almost a full week has lapsed), I am feeling less overwhelmed. We've made it through two weeks of being back in school and regular activities, and I'm confident that by next week, Luke will have finally adjusted back and won't spend every evening alternating between exhausted defiance and tired tears. By next week, I'll have cleaned my whole house once again and maybe started in to a few projects that have been on the back burner. By next week, Sarah will have finally tired of playing with the one-billion-piece Frozen magnet set that I gave her for Christmas and have to help her pick up on a daily basis. And by next week, Andrew will be sleeping through the night.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha.... Slipped into a little fantasy there, didn't I?
Anyway, it's getting better. And I've used our new treadmill twice this week, so how much more of a miracle could you ask for than that??
Having said all that, when I sat down last weekend and started this post, it was because I realized something weird and helpful. I was feeling frustrated about the overwhelming-ness, and more-so about the way I had been behaving with my children. Snippy. Annoyed. Impatient. Angry. But then on Saturday evening, P had all the kids sitting with him on the couch to read a story together (My Father's Dragon trilogy - excellent books! - thanks to Tricia for the recommendation!), and I watched them from the dining room and thought, "Aren't these the best kids?" I laughed to myself about their current quirks and thanked God for their unique personalities. And then it hit me that I just hadn't taken time to do that enough lately. That the busy-ness of the holidays and the rush of getting back into school routine had left little time for reflection, and I sorely needed some perspective.
So I began this post because one of the ways that I reflect on and appreciate my kids is by writing about them. I am fully aware that some of these things that I publish to the interwebs may one day be a source of embarrassment to them (or me), but I'm writing them anyway. I hope that eventually, if they ever start reading through these ramblings, they'll hear underneath it all my deep love and affection for them, current quirks and unique personalities and all.
And when I started writing, I'd planned to dive into a few of those quirks, but I was just interrupted by a squabble over the breakfast table (Luke wanted to know why Sarah wasn't eating oatmeal for breakfast, and she refused to tell him, so he threatened to not play with her today, and she started crying, and now I deserve a Nobel Peace Prize or something because I was able to settle the skirmish before it came to blows) - and now that I'm back at the keyboard, I hear a little baby boy's waking-up fusses. It's hard to tell how desperate they are, as they are mixed with coos and "fake" cries, but he is the third child, after all, so my tolerance for baby cries is quite extended. And besides, I can hear Luke going in there to talk to him, and that usually buys me several minutes. Thank heaven for adoring older brothers!
Oh, but now I'm finding it difficult to type with a 3-year-old in my lap. So I guess the day has begun, and my quiet hours are over. Maybe I should hop on that treadmill now... the day is sure to be full of extra writing material for the next time.
I have been too overwhelmed with everything, huffing and puffing behind the pack as I tried desperately to keep up this life of mine. The holidays were almost too much, and when I finally (gleefully) taped up the last box of Christmas decorations and piled them by the door so P could take them away to the attic, I just didn't have an ounce of anything left.
We had a really blessed holiday season, but can I just say this? Christmas is hard for moms! I'm not saying that everyone else has it easy or anything, but that season is just a beating for me. Maybe I just haven't found the magic method that'll erase the stress.... or maybe I won't feel quite so exhausted when I'm not trying to balance three different family Christmases, uphold my kids' belief in Santa Claus, keep Jesus as the Reason, and nurse an infant every 2-3 hours of the day!
Still, I stand by my declaration that January is the Best Month. And here it is, half over...
The good news is that between my writing the first two paragraphs of this post and now (almost a full week has lapsed), I am feeling less overwhelmed. We've made it through two weeks of being back in school and regular activities, and I'm confident that by next week, Luke will have finally adjusted back and won't spend every evening alternating between exhausted defiance and tired tears. By next week, I'll have cleaned my whole house once again and maybe started in to a few projects that have been on the back burner. By next week, Sarah will have finally tired of playing with the one-billion-piece Frozen magnet set that I gave her for Christmas and have to help her pick up on a daily basis. And by next week, Andrew will be sleeping through the night.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha.... Slipped into a little fantasy there, didn't I?
Anyway, it's getting better. And I've used our new treadmill twice this week, so how much more of a miracle could you ask for than that??
Having said all that, when I sat down last weekend and started this post, it was because I realized something weird and helpful. I was feeling frustrated about the overwhelming-ness, and more-so about the way I had been behaving with my children. Snippy. Annoyed. Impatient. Angry. But then on Saturday evening, P had all the kids sitting with him on the couch to read a story together (My Father's Dragon trilogy - excellent books! - thanks to Tricia for the recommendation!), and I watched them from the dining room and thought, "Aren't these the best kids?" I laughed to myself about their current quirks and thanked God for their unique personalities. And then it hit me that I just hadn't taken time to do that enough lately. That the busy-ness of the holidays and the rush of getting back into school routine had left little time for reflection, and I sorely needed some perspective.
So I began this post because one of the ways that I reflect on and appreciate my kids is by writing about them. I am fully aware that some of these things that I publish to the interwebs may one day be a source of embarrassment to them (or me), but I'm writing them anyway. I hope that eventually, if they ever start reading through these ramblings, they'll hear underneath it all my deep love and affection for them, current quirks and unique personalities and all.
And when I started writing, I'd planned to dive into a few of those quirks, but I was just interrupted by a squabble over the breakfast table (Luke wanted to know why Sarah wasn't eating oatmeal for breakfast, and she refused to tell him, so he threatened to not play with her today, and she started crying, and now I deserve a Nobel Peace Prize or something because I was able to settle the skirmish before it came to blows) - and now that I'm back at the keyboard, I hear a little baby boy's waking-up fusses. It's hard to tell how desperate they are, as they are mixed with coos and "fake" cries, but he is the third child, after all, so my tolerance for baby cries is quite extended. And besides, I can hear Luke going in there to talk to him, and that usually buys me several minutes. Thank heaven for adoring older brothers!
Oh, but now I'm finding it difficult to type with a 3-year-old in my lap. So I guess the day has begun, and my quiet hours are over. Maybe I should hop on that treadmill now... the day is sure to be full of extra writing material for the next time.
Bekah, thank you for writing out your thoughts. I never seem to have time or energy to do more than a brief comment on the photos that I (sometimes) get posted on our blog, but you echo so much of our experience. Kids are the greatest blessing that everyone says they are, but they're also a great burden (dare I say annoyance?), too. You and P are doing a great job! Keep up the good, er, fight.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Anthony - and might I say how much I appreciate your comments, even though I rarely manage to respond to them specifically? I love seeing what your family is up to on your blog (pictures speak a thousand swords anyway, right?), and it's a blessing to know you are "fighting" with patience and grace up on the northern side!
DeleteI'm so glad you're enjoying the books! We're listening to Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle now, which C only sort of likes but I find hilarious. I love reading your blog because your thoughts so often echo my own (or is it vice-versa?) For the record, you're an excellent mom and friend. Thanks for looking out for me this week (ahem... year).
ReplyDeleteTricia
Love you, friend :)
Delete